Expectations

Ever since I was a young girl, I was always that straight A student.

Anything less than an A on an exam, I would panic or cry.

I actually received my first C in college and I kid you not, I cried for my entire winter break. To be fair, it was organic chemistry and probably the hardest class that I would ever take in my life.

I was grown up to believe that perfection existed and anything below it wasn’t significant.

This was a mentality that I took into my 20’s.

I believed that I had to live up to certain expectations and anything less wasn’t significant enough.

It felt like I had to do everything right. Including my health routine, relationships, work, hobbies, choices that I made and anything else that was on my plate.

I got really tired living up to these ideals. It felt suffocating.

Not to mention, it stuffed the joy and fun out of everything that I did in life.

Social media doesn’t make it easier on this generation either. You see these beautiful Instagram stories of people living “their best life” and you start to feel like a complete failure in the life that you created for yourself.

Comparing myself to society’s expectations, I sometimes do feel like a fuck up.

I am 30 years old, and I have changed my job roles about a dozen times with 3 different professions in my 20’s, I have never had a lease to my name or furniture, I don’t know where in the world to call home, and I may/may not want a family or kids. I also doubt my decisions daily.

Though with all that I have “failed”, I have also exceeded in so many ways. I have created a new life in Mexico City. I have built friendships that mean a lot to me, I have tried a dozen job roles that gave me even more clarity to what it is that I want/dont want in a career, and I have a buttload of hobbies that I get to explore in my free time. Sometimes, I find that I pinch myself of happiness.

My life has never been a straight path. It has never met up to these ideals of what a happy life should look life.

But the more and more that I let these ideals fade into the oblivion, I find the happier that I become.

It’s funny how life works like that no? The more that you let go of who you think you should be, and do more of what you want, the happier that you become.

If I could wish one thing that they teach you in grade school, it would be that❤