The tension between what you want and what you “should” want

Recently, I was presented with a new job opportunity. It was a more senior role at a great growing tech company where I would be managing a small team of people. Coming from not so great jobs, this was a great opportunity for me. It was a step in the right direction in my career with a very supportive manager and team.

But when I started to think more about the opportunity, something sank in me.

Sure, it was a great opportunity, but when I started to think of everything that came with it, I started to get less excited about it. While it meant more money, it also meant more responsibility. When I started to think about more responsibility, I started to think it would look like a packed calendar back with work obligations.

This scared me. I came from a life which was centered around work. And it wasn’t until my late 20’s / early 30’s where I started to unwrap from this idea that work had to be the center of my life. I was all too scared to go down that road again.

So here I was at a crossroad between the road of what I wanted and what I “should” want.

I’ve read countless posts around people who have had to go through this same decision. But somehow, when you are in the midst of it, it feels all so much scarier to make that decision.

Because in that moment, it feels like a lot in on stake — right? I mean you could easily make the “wrong” choice. And that feels all too heavy.

But I think it doesn’t necessarily have to feel that way. There are a couple of things that you (and I) can do at the time to make things a little lighter/a little easier:

Getting in the right mindset: It’s all too easy to think that once I make this decisions, well this is the end of all decisions in this area of my life. Well, no, that’s not necessarily true. Once I make a choice and then move forward, then I usually have a thousand other choices to make. This isn’t the ultimate end, no matter what choice I make. And that usually makes things a bit lighter for me.

Get help when you need it: Sometimes, I am just so stuck in my head that I can’t make the choice on my own. That’s when I lend on other people to help me. I am a big proponent of asking for for from close friends or professional to dig deeper into what I truly want vs. society’s expectations of me. These people have been an invaluable resource in my life to get clear on my desires

Take a breathe or a break from the decision: Sometimes, it’s just not the time to make a decision. If I can wait, I take a breath, or a step away from the decision on hand. I try to get more back to a relaxed / content state. I usually find that it’s a lot easier to make a better decision from this place.

It’s not always easy to make these choices for ourselves. So take a tip or two from this list and see what works for you. The more we practice making choices for ourselves, I think you’ll start to see the easier that it gets :)

I want to hear from you! Was there a choice you had to make where there was a tension between what you want and what you think you should want? How were you able to relieve that conflict?